Mega Millions Rant

The Mega Millions Drawing, worth 640 Million, was last night. Guess what? I didn’t win, again. I don’t understand this. I bought a ticket at both the Mobil AND the Stewart’s by my house, to ensure that I would win, and I STILL didn’t win. I don’t understand how that happens. I wasn’t even one of the seventeen second-place tickets. Can you believe it? I know they say the odds of winning are one in a million, but I’ve played the Lotto like a hundred times in my life, and I haven’t won the Jackpot once. You tell me.

I’m beginning to think that the Lotto is just a clever way for the state to make money, by enticing many people to play, in the slim hope that they will win a huge amount of money, and then the windfall that is not won is then invested back into programs and services. Nobody I know ever wins. I don’t even know one person who has won the millions. I mean, sure, I’ve won like a few thousand dollars a bunch of times, even hit for four grand on a ticket, but so what? That’s not why I play. Oh yeah, that’s cool, I won four grand, wow, big deal, when some other guy won like fifty million. Why him? Why not me?

I hate the Lotto. At this rate I may never even hit the Jackpot once, not once. What? I know. And how about their misleading slogan: “A dollar and a dream”? They forget to tell you that so many other people are trying to chase that same dream with their dollar. Yeah, they leave that part out. Ever wonder why? I have. If I knew that part I probably wouldn’t play as much. What a rip.

For me it’s been “A dollar and NO dream.” It’s so unfair. I never win the Jackpot, and I really want to, and I really deserve it, and I’m a really neat guy, and I always play my luckiest numbers. But I NEVER, EVER win it all. Why am I always the NYS Lotto/Mega Millions bride’s maid, never the bride? Why? This sucks. It’s so unfair. I may just quit.

But first I’m going to put a call into my local representatives, telling them how I have faithfully played the Lotto every other week for like three years, and have only won, like a total of nine thousand dollars, before taxes don't forget. And said representatives better have some answers for me, or I’ll threaten to reveal the truth about the Lotto, right here on this blog. The secret about how MOST people don’t even win. Yeah, I’m really beginning to think that’s true.

I’m going to do some more investigating on this, and I’ll get back to you, faithful reader. Together we will crack the obvious conspiracy surrounding the Lotto and Mega Millions Drawing. And while I'm at it, I'm going to get to the bottom of this Las Vegas thing too. Whenever I gamble there, I pretty much always lose, same way as the Lotto. It's equally unfair, because I REALLY want to win in Vegas too, but I don't most times. How do I pretty much always lose the Lotto and always lose at Vegas gambling? How is that possible? The fix is in.

Brian Huba
3/31/12

No New Taxes! So What

Great news! It looks like Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s NYS Budget is going to get passed on time. That's great. Plus No New Taxes. After my initial excitement, I had to take a second to think about this thing from every angle. Here’s what I came up with: Why do people get so excited about No New Taxes? Don’t get me wrong, my opinion of Cuomo is still positive, if you can accept the fact that AC is using NYS to leapfrog to Washington. He has taken every five-year plan to correct the budget, and made it a five-month plan, to capture the hot headlines. Great! No New Taxes! On Time Budget! Let’s take a deeper look.

Has anybody taken pause long enough to notice the astronomical number of people that are being laid off, downsized, or just plain fired, so that Cuomo’s Draconian Budget can be made, and No New Taxes--which is a snazzy, Washington-bound Headline, something that will look good on campaign posters--can be proclaimed. My opinion: If it comes down to paying a few more dollars in taxes so hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers can keep their jobs, their dignity, their way of life, I say sign me up.

Why are people so afraid of taxes? I don’t even know what I pay in taxes every year. “Hey, Brian, your school taxes went up this year, 2.3%.” Whatever, they’re escrowed anyway, didn't even notice. 2.3%? Isn't that like seventy-four extra dollars a year? But what about next year? Who cares? I live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I watched a comedy about cops pretending to be high school kids on a 53-foot movie screen the other night, stuffing my fat face with $20 popcorn. I'll pay some extra taxes, it's fine. If you don't like U.S.A. taxes, move to Brazil for a while, see how you like that. When they take the taxes away, they'll hit you with a "city garbage bill" that used to be covered in your taxes. That's how it goes. It all evens out in the end. Why don't people get that? It's robbing Peter to pay Paul.

Why are people so excited about No New Taxes? Let me hit you with a little economics 101: It’s either taxes or jobs/programs. Why? Because taxes pay for things in this country, roads, bridges, hospitals, yep they do, and if we don’t want to pay higher taxes, people get 86ed, programs go bye bye. When I'm being wheeled into an operating room for open-heart surgery, I don't want to hear about doctor downsizing so I could save $18 a year on taxes. Nope, I want the best MD's tax money can buy. And when I'm the only guy on my block with a job, I'm buying a bigger lock and better security system. And there goes all my tax savings. Now you know who I am? I'm Even Steven.

An aside: We all know that the government misuses tax money, sure they do, and we already pay high taxes. I get that. Hello, McFly, you live in New York, the greatest state in the world, with the greatest city in the world. Don't like it? Go live in Kansas. You'll be back in six months. Just accept that our State Government blows through tax money, accept it and move on, put that away for the purposes of this argument, because you can't prove it or change it. Period.

“But, Brian, it’s not my job on the hopper, so who cares, right?” Nope, wrong, so wrong. Because we’re dead against a few more dollars in annual taxes, your brother, mother, and neighbor just got laid off. And when that happens, it means you’re now on the clock. Believe me, you want your brother, mother, and neighbor to keep their jobs, because if they are gainfully employed, that means the cuts still have to hit them before they hit you. It’s a wall of protection around you, see? To have that protection and peace of mind in my life, I would pay extra taxes in a second. Of course I would. I believe it was the brilliant Elmer Fudd who said, “You’ll never balance a budget on the backs of the unemployed.” He can’t catch a rabbit to save his life, but his views on economics are right on the mark.

If I was running for Governor, Senator, or President, I would preach the following to every voter with ears: I’m going to raise taxes, of course I am, but every, single American will have a job. Guess what? I’d lose in a landside, unless my opponent was some stiff from Massachusetts or some bible thumper who thinks it’s 1955. Then I’d win, of course, who wouldn’t? People love No New Taxes, because we are a soundbite nation. But come on. Remember when Clinton was in office, and the budget was actually balanced. How’d he do it? Jobs, ugh! All those jobs. How annoying. Taxes? He raised them. That’s how you keep people working. Go tell your laid-off neighbor that you’re not worried about his personal ruin, because your taxes stayed the same. But guess what? Your taxes are going to get raised eventually, and that guy’s still going to be out of a job.

As long as it’s not my job, right? Let them lay off my brother, mother, and neighbor. My point: It’s always going to be you eventually, unless you're LeBron James, or George Clooney, or a Kennedy with millions, it's always going to be you eventually. We have to fight for our neighbors now, keep everybody working and making money, because one day the powers that be will be coming for your job, your way of life. Just don’t be mad, Mr. No New Taxes, when there’s nobody left to fight for you.

Read More:http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/03/27/newyork-budget-idUSL2E8ERXW820120327

Brian Huba
3/27/12

Stephen King's 11/22/63

Stephen King’s new book 11/22/63 is one of the best books I have ever read. I highly recommend it to anyone who loves a great story with a great premise and a great-great ending.

Here’s the premise:

Jacob "Jake" Epping is a recently-divorced high school English teacher in Lisbon Falls, Maine, earning extra money teaching a GED class. Epping gives an assignment to his adult students, asking them to write about a day that changed their lives. One of the students, a learning-impaired janitor named Harry Dunning, submits an assignment describing the night his alcoholic father murdered his mother and siblings with a hammer; the story emotionally affects Jake, and the two become friends after Harry earns his GED.

Two years later, Jake's long-time friend, Al Templeton, summons him to the local diner that he owns. Al instructs Jake to step into the back of the diner's pantry, where a time slip leads him to Lisbon Falls as it existed on September 9, 1958, at 11:58 a.m. After exploring the town, Jake returns to 2011 and learns from Al that the portal leads to that same moment of that same day every time it is used, and that a visitor will always return to the present by a margin of two minutes. He also learns that if he changes an event in the past, the event will "reset" and change back the next time he uses the portal. There is one anomaly: a drunken, disheveled man rests by the time portal in 1958, and seems to be aware in some sense of its existence. Al calls him the "Yellow Card Man" because he has a grimy yellow card stuck in his hat.

Because the portal gives one the ability to alter the present, Al reveals that he had concocted a plan to prevent John F. Kennedy's assassination, attributing the world's problems to events that would not have occurred had Kennedy lived. Al spent four years in the past after entering the portal the previous night, travelling to Dallas, Texas, to kill Lee Harvey Oswald during his attempted assassination of General Edwin Walker. During his stay, Al learned that the past is "obdurate"—the more significant the event you want to change, the more the past throws up obstacles to prevent that change. Because of this, Al developed terminal lung cancer and was forced to give up his mission with not enough time to complete it. He recruits a reluctant Jake to succeed him . . .

From then on it takes off.

Great History Story

Great Love Story

Great Human Interest Story

Great, Great Ending!

I will warn you it’s 900 pages long. But it’s well worth the read, trust me. Go buy it. Let me know if you like it.

Review of Book: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/13/books/review/11-22-63-by-stephen-king-book-review.html?pagewanted=all

Brian Huba
3/23/12

The Other St. Pat's Day

I came to a crazy realization yesterday. I haven’t been to the St. Pat’s Day Parade in Albany in four years; crazy because I used to live for this day. I’d get so excited when it was coming close (I’d even celebrate halfway to St. Pat’s Day), and I’d literally be tingling with excitement on the 17th as we made our way into Albany at noontime, decked out in green, for the festivities that would keep us out until one or two in the morning.

Sometimes we stood on the street for a while watching the parade before hitting the bars, but most years we went directly to McGeary’s, and stayed there until evening time. We knew a bartender named Gary and he ALWAYS took care of us. It was great, I mean great. But Gary’s long gone now. I could never understand the guys who got drunk and trashed city property, or private property, or got into fistfights. Why? Who even has the time or will to do that? For us it was about one thing: Girls, girls, girls.

When I was around 25, 26 it stopped being as fun as it was before, but we kept at it, heck yeah we did. Then one year I just didn’t go, and I haven’t been back since. Funny how that happens. Never a second thought. And to be honest I never had a moment of second thought this year either, even knowing the weather would be in the 60’s, a perfect parade day, even as the texts came in and the Facebook pages blew up with parade plans. I’m done with St. Pat’s Day in Albany, I guess. So what did I do instead? Buckle up. This is going to be a full-throttle ride, St. Pat's ppl.

Yesterday, instead of a parade and party, we had ourselves an old fashioned Clifton Park Day. It started with a trip to the Clifton Country Center. First stop: Marshall’s. If there’s a 30,000 person party going on ten miles down the road, don’t go to Marshall’s. As I’m sure you know Marshall’s is already, on any given day, the most depressing place in the world, except for Huck Finn’s in Albany of course, but the depression is doubled on a day like yesterday. So after a few minutes, we split and did a quick lap through J.C. Penney’s. Let’s just say that little trip left me two Arrow polos richer. Cha Ching. Who needs a parade and party?

After shopping we had some dinner at Salad Creations in the Clifton Park plaza behind the mall. (Sidebar: There are NO good restaurants in CP.) Anyway, there was a young guy behind the counter (an employee who had finished his shift), 22, 23 maybe, debating whether or not he was going to go out for St. Pat’s. I couldn’t believe my ears. A debate at that age? I enthralled him (possibly terrified him) with a few stories from my times at St. Pat’s in Downtown. Let’s just say I was as subtle as a bludgeoning. By the end of it one thing was clear: He didn’t care about going out. He liked the female worker who was still on her shift, and trying to get something going with her. This had to be pointed out to me after I literally scolded him for not racing right to McGeary’s. Guess I didn't see that. Sorry, dude.

The night concluded with a quick stop at the Buffalo Wild Wings across the parking lot. It was my first time there. Pretty cool place to have a diet coke and watch the NCAA Tournament games. Drinking diet coke on St. Pat’s Day? 2005 me would’ve hated 2012 me. Finally we hit the huge RPX for the new Jonah Hill movie: 21 JUMPSTREET. The theatre was awesome and the movie was hilarious. Of course it was. Jonah Hill was in it. Then we got in the car and drove the .5 miles back home, and were in bed by midnight. Ah, time.

Next year on St. Pat’s Day I may decide it’s time to kick up the crazy a few notches. Yep, you heard it here first. I think I’ll order myself a regular coke at Buffalo WW instead of a diet coke. How you like me now?

Brian Huba
3/18/12

Times Union Photo Slideshow of Albany St. Pat’s Parade: http://www.timesunion.com/seen/slideshow/SEEN-Albany-St-Patrick-s-Day-Parade-40650.php

Clifton Park Regal Show Times & Ticket Prices: http://www.fandango.com/regalcliftonparkstadium1026rpx_aaggh/theaterpage

Kegs & Eggs Riot: One Year Later

Originally published: 3.16.11

Send These Punks Packing

What happened Saturday morning on Hudson Ave. in the Pine Hills was absolutely disgusting. I apologize to anyone of our Capital Region Residents who someway or somehow were victimized by this collection of intoxicated trash. I applaud Albany Chief of Police Steven Krokoff and DA David Soares for their hard-line promise to deliver heavyweight retribution. Nobody treats our city like their personal playground. Damn right. But, after all that tough-guy talk, there’s a bigger story.

I’m talking to you, Albany State. Before the convictions hit the carpet, step up and toss these clowns off campus, sans degree. Goodbye and God speed. Prove for once that the SUNY system is interested in something other than collecting money and assembly-lining these degrees. You already validate enough kids with pieces of paper that deem them a professional of something or another. It’s an understood arrangement: these degrees are bought and paid for from day one. How do I know that? I did undergrad at U Albany. I saw it firsthand. But it’s not just SUNY, it’s every school. Our college campuses look like Vegas casinos while the cities and areas around them crumble in economic ruin. Have you seen U Albany lately? It’s Caesar’s Palace. Fact: Harvard has enough cash on hand to fully flip the next 200 Freshmen classes coming in. I'm no math major. But that's serious dough.

In my opinion, college is too easy and it’s too cheap to pay for. I know that’s the opposite of what you hear, but allow me to explain. College should be for the most elite and a degree, any degree, should cost 100K a year, at least. Why you may ask. I’ll tell you why. Quality not quanity. Right now everybody and their mother (literally) are partying their way through school on the government’s dime, sometimes beating up cars and private property after Kegs & Eggs, then earning a degree in some ridiculous thing that doesn’t parlay into a job out of school. How come? Because there’s NO jobs and a BILLION twenty-somethings with B.A.’s in communication and psychology. Everybody has a college degree, so don’t tell me about it being too expensive. You know what I did with my B.A.? Washed dishes at a nursing home in Albany. And I only got that job because two other college grads were hired then declined.

I have zero toleration for the sob stories about skyrocketing college costs when I see a bunch of drunked-up 'college kids' undress city streets in broad daylight and right on cell-phone camera. Smile wide so we can run this footage on the next TV spot when SUNY protests budget cuts. Doesn’t seem like the crippling costs of college, and the ‘elite opportunity’ to earn a degree, scared this motley crew too much.

College is supposed to be society’s farm system. Right? The contenders from the pretenders. What a joke. Trust me, that’s a joke. Step up, Albany State. Show the rest of the world that a group of kids so irresponsible and morally corrupt are not college material. Not here, not anywhere. Albany State’s President can shove his apology. Forget words. Action! Punch these punks’ tickets back to Long Island. You may say, 'Come on, Brian. They're just kids who got drunk and dumb. It happens.' I say:FORGET THAT!

I’ve been writing for a year on this forum about the outrageous and dangerous level of entitlement that young people possess nowadays. Read my most-previous post. They do what they want, say what they want, and never pay the price. Same way last year at the MAAC Championship when the Siena students rushed the basketball court after they were told NOT TO! They injured other fans by refusing to follow the rules then blamed security for dealing with them too harshly. And everyone felt so bad for the students. Get real. They were drunk, obscene, cursing in front of families and little kids. I was there. It was horrible. Not as horrible as Saturday though.

These St. Pat’s boozers: Take them down hard and fast DA David Soares. After that all we can do is hope that Albany State isn’t too cowardly and too worried about counting tuition checks to do the same. Throw the book at them. Then throw their unneeded college books out the window at them as they pack up and head back home. Like that cowboy says to DeNiro in CASINO. ‘You ain’t home. But that’s where were gonna send you if it harelips the governor.’

Brian Huba
3/16/11

Read More: http://www.timesunion.com/local/article/Big-steps-taken-to-crack-kegs-and-eggs-3408069.php

Watch Video: http://www.timesunion.com/local/article/Big-steps-taken-to-crack-kegs-and-eggs-3408069.php#media-5093

Mania Mania

When are we going to realize that manias always end in disappointment? It seems like our life blood comes from constantly having some kind of mania in play to keep the water-cooler conversation going or the sports radio abuzz.

Remember this past NFL Season: Tebow Mania. Everyone was Tebowing, and it seemed like everyone and their mother (mine included) was talking about Tim Tebow, and his rags-to-riches story. But in the end it fell flat, because the mania can never match the reality. The truth is Tim Tebow is not a good NFL QB, and yes his team did get some miraculous wins (two games won on 55+ yard field goals), but like I said, at the end it fizzled out, and the Broncos are trying to bring in Peyton Manning to replace the mania. What does that tell you?

How about Linsanity? Wow what a cyclone of mediocrity that was for a few weeks in February. But of course the whole country climbed on, even suggesting that a marginal point guard was going to lead the NY Knicks to a championship. Now? The NY Knicks are on a six-game losing streak, and their coach was fired today, I mean he “resigned” today. Lincomprehensible? Actually I’d say it’s another Linteresting example of manias run amok.

Jimmer Mania?

But it’s not just a national thing or an entertainment thing.

Look at us right here in the Good Ole Capital Region. Does anyone remember Krispy Kreme? At first it was like they were giving away front-row McCartney tickets. For that first month of business there was a 45-minute wait every morning for cheap doughnuts that the supermarket and Dunkin Donuts both sold. Why? Because we love manias. We don’t care what the mania is about, we just have to be a part. Krispy Kreme stayed in business for four months, maybe five, then . . . Ah, Manias.

Same thing when Dinosaur Bar-B-Que opened. You literally had to call a full week in advance to get a table. And when you got there, guess what? The food was horrible, the service was horrible. Why? Because it’s Applebee’s with a different colored menu, and guess what? We have 60 Applebee’s already. Additionally we all realized we’ve had better rib joints here the whole time. Heck, Smokey Bones is better, way better. I bet you could call Dinosaur right now, get a party of 100 seated in the next ten minutes.

I heard they're thinking of opening a Shop Rite in the Region. Oh man. Wolf Road is going to be like Met Life Stadium those first three months if it happens, even though Shop Rite is just Hannaford with a different colored sign. Are they thinking of a Trader Joe's too? Watch out if that happens. Well watch out for a few months, then don't worry.

Is all this mania mania because people are tricked by lights and billboards? Is it because, no matter what, we have to be a part of the national conversation? Is it another limb of herd behavior, doing whatever the crowd does, agreeing with the majority, even if you don’t intrinsically agree? Did anyone really think Tim Tebow was good? Did anyone actually like Dinosaur Bar-B-Que? I don’t see how someone could genuinely answer yes to either. So the question is are you a day trader or a market player? Are you interested in fads and immediate results or is the big picture what matters most?

All people probably see themselves as big-picture people. But if you were the guy who hung out at Dinosaur for the first month, and the guy who brought the box of KK doughnuts to the office every morning, and if you watched the 2nd half of this NFL season in your just-ordered Tim Tebow jersey, you might want to ask yourself which side of the fence you ‘actually’ fall on. And yes I will admit manias are fun, but at the end of the day, most of them end up being pretty Linsignificant.

Brian Huba
3/14/12

Vanity Fair & the Sopranos

The April 2012 VANITY FAIR has a super-cool spread about THE SOPRANOS, with pictures, personal stories, and an oral history of the show's amazing decade-long run on HBO, told by the stars, writers, directors, and of course, the creator David Chase. THE SOPRANOS is the greatest TV show in history. Nothing will ever touch it. Check out the VANITY FAIR story if you can. It's a must read. Tony Soprano lives forever.

See More: http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2012/04/sopranos-exclusive-slideshow#slide=1

Read More: http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2012/04/sopranos-oral-history

Brian Huba
3/12/12

Jonah Hill is the Man!

Now that's how you host Saturday Night Live. The best episode of the season hands down, and oh-so needed after that Lohan train wreck last week. Wow, Jonah Hill is the Man. See link below to check it out. If you don't think this is funny, never mind and forget it, because I can't convince you with all the words in the world.

And of course the national reviews are giving him a hard time about it, see review below for more on that. I just don't get it. Maybe I really don't know what funny is. But I do know I was literally screaming from laughter the entire episode. To me that means it was funny.

Watch the Episode: http://popwatch.ew.com/2012/03/11/saturday-night-live-recap-jonah-hill-the-shins/

Brian Huba
3/11/12

Nice to know you, Lindsay

Watching Lindsay Lohan host Saturday Night Live last night was like watching Mike Tyson when he was 37, instead of 24 when he was champ. In other words if an alien landed on Earth in time to take a front-row seat at Studio 8H in time for last night’s broadcast, said alien would wonder why a show as huge as SNL would allow an eighth-rate hack, who looked like a deer in the headlamps of an oncoming tractor trailer, have the hosting duties. The back story on this is easy. Lohan begged and pleaded Lorne Michaels for a return chance at SNL in an effort to put her career back on track. Smelling a chance at ratings, Michaels caved and let Lohan have a crack.

In Lohan’s defense, she was clean, sober, focused on Saturday night, fresh off a whirlwind round of interviews, ready to take the spotlight back, and knock this SNL opportunity out of the ballpark. She understood what was at stake. She wanted this. Hell, she begged for it. Only problem is, despite all that focus, Lohan just doesn’t have any talent. I don’t know if that talent got lost along the way (i.e. my Mike Tyson simile) or if there never was any talent at all. Let’s face it: she wasn’t much more than a child/teen star. I don’t know if she was ever “Good” in a movie. Maybe “Cute” would be the better adjective, like really cute in THE PARENT TRAP, even cuter in MEAN GIRLS, but it’s easy to deliver with Tina Fey pulling the puppet strings. My point: all this talk of a comeback, after the well-chronicled and cartoonish battles with booze, drugs, sex, the legal system, and everything in between, there just might not be anything to quote on quote come back from. The truth may be that Lohan is just not that talented, and never was.

As for the SNL show itself, where do I start when describing the carnage? She looked terrible, she was terrible. It was hard to watch. In fact the car accident I saw near Wolf Road a few hours earlier was easier to watch than this. You can always tell the cast and crew recognize they have a weak host when they decide on a cast-supported monologue. In last night’s monologue, Lohan would’ve had a bigger, more important part if they had knocked her unconscious and passed her around the stage like the conch in LORD OF THE FLIES.

But the fun was only starting. Her lowest moment of the night came at about 11.45 when SNL decided to play Lohan opposite the great Kenan Thompson in the Scared Straight Sketch. In this sketch Thompson plays a goofy get-straight officer to a group of rebellious teens. His trademark: long monologues where he passionately describes the wild times of his own life, but the teens recognize his wild times as the plot of a famous movie. Then it was Lohan’s turn to give the same, long-winded monologue, chronicling her own movies as her “this is real” story. Oh my God in Heaven, the cue cards took a beating as she stumbled and gaffed her way through that. The cue card reading was so bad that the producers did something I had never seen before: halfway through the sketch they switched to a side angle so the TV viewer couldn’t see her laying so heavy on the cue cards. It was cringe worthy for us at home, for those in the studio audience, Thompson himself, and most importantly Lohan. You could see it in her eyes. She knew she blew it. It was all over by 11.50.

Immediately the backstage rewriting started. SNL ran longer commercial breaks, played pre-recorded bits that had aired earlier in this same season, all in an obvious attempt to slash planned sketches and reduce the number of lines Lohan would have to deliver. They had dead weight on their hands, and they knew it. The rest of the night was a carnival of rewritten sketches and a full-cast effort to keep Lohan on the back shelf as much as possible. When she was forced to have lines, the cue cards were practically on the stage with her. Once they got Lohan out of the way, the show itself was funny, and the 11th hour effort by the cast was Herculean.

At the end, as the cast shook hands and hugged on the SNL stage the camera picked up someone mouth the words, “that was really bad.” And it was. It felt to me like the final nail in the Lindsay Lohan saga. She’s done, she has to be. This kid has nothing left. In addition to how bad she was on that stage, the way she looked was even more uncomfortable: The fake blonde hair and obvious enhancements. She looked like she was 45 not 25. And she wore 5 inch heels in every sketch. Weird. It was a pretty sad night in SNL history. And I had the overpowering feeling that Lohan knew she was a butter knife in a gun fight the second they said, "Your host, Lindsay Lohan." She had no business being up there with comedy professionals of that level. Lohan was a cute face who got lucky. Now she’s a brat who’s been tricked into thinking she actually has a career to come back to. It’s over, LL, there’s nothing left, sans the bad reality TV show.

Lohan’s window passed her by in a haze of drugs and late-night parties. And while she was gone, true up-and-coming talents like Jonah Hill, Ellen Page, and Emma Stone took her place. Just like Jimmy Fallon’s monologue joke last night about Lohan starring in THE HELP, to which Lohan replied “That wasn’t me.” Darn right it wasn’t. You blew it, kid, it’s over. We have a new cute redhead in Hollywood, and guess what, LL, this one doesn’t have legal fees and booze addictions that would make Kerouac cringe. It’s Emma’s time now, Jonah’s time. Nice to know you, Lindsay.

SNL Review:http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/celebritology/post/lindsay-lohan-on-snl-how-did-she-do/2012/03/04/gIQALN8xpR_blog.html?tid=pm_entertainment_pop

SNL Sketches Recap: http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/308705/20120304/lindsay-lohan-snl-saturday-night-live-videos.htm

Brian Huba
3/4/12