Sunday, January 29, 2012

Cut it Out

Does anybody else find it completely weird that Alanis Morisette's all-time great album about breakup and bitterness, JAGGED LITTLE PILL, was actually inspired by and written in revenge to Uncle Joey from FULL HOUSE? How is this possible? Turns out that Alanis Morisette was dating Dave Coulier before she wrote the album, he dumped her, started dating somebody else, and Alanis became so enraged by this betrayal, she penned, recorded, and released one of the most brilliant albums ever, JAGGED LITTLE PILL, in like six weeks.

You're probably saying, 'Cut it out,' and doing the hand-scissor thing that Uncle Joey did on FULL HOUSE.

But no, I'm very serious about this. In Alanis's most famous song, YOU OUGHTA KNOW, when she bitterly and angrily sings, "Does she know how you told me you'd hold me/Until you died/‘til you died/But you're still alive" she's talking about Uncle Joey. Not Uncle Jesse (John Stamos), that would be understandable, I guess. No, the other guy, the one who did the moose ears and funny voice for Michelle. That guy inspired one of the grittiest, most powerful albums about breakup and female scorn in music history.

This has happened before. Many believe that Warren Beatty inspired Carly Simon's YOU'RE SO VAIN, and an in-band breakup from Lindsey Buckingham inspired Stevie Nicks to write and perform SILVER SPRINGS. But that was Warren Beatty, one of the greatest playboys ever, and Lindsey Buckingham, who fronted one of the best bands ever, Fleetwood Mac. Alanis found her inspiration and anger from some forgotten comic, whose claim to fame is playing the goofy uncle in a kids' sitcom and hosting the other AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS show. You don't get to be the fuel for something as raging/rocking as JAGGED LITTLE PILL, when you play second fiddle to Bob Saget. Do you?

So next time you hear Alanis screaming through YOU OUGHTA KNOW or ALL I REALLY WANT, think Uncle Joey doing Bullwinkle. That's Canadian girls for you.



Thursday, January 26, 2012

Everybody Gets a Ribbon

I thought Pres. Obama gave a shrewd State of the Union Address this week. Anyone who thinks our economic woes are his fault: nuts. I think Barack has done the best he could with what he got. It is going to take a generation for this country to recover from W. Barack got us out of Iraq, took down bin Laden. My only Obama criticism: He’s not tough enough. Clinton would’ve had these Republicans eating out of his hand.

Like I said, I liked it. But I have to question Obama’s belief that our upcoming generation has the toughness of our Post-WW2 generation, the generation that built America. He referenced a need for that commitment to get this economy going. Bad news, Barack, not gonna happen. There are a bunch of great 20-25year olds today, but there is a large percentage that would never dirty their 'artistic' hands with that kind of gritty work. Pay your dues? Build a retirement? Live within your means? Yeah right. This upcoming generation is anti-utilitarian. Many 20-25year olds I know 1) useless college degree and 60K in student loans, 2) job that doesn't match their degree, 3) new car, maybe a house, on a Starbuck’s salary and Master Card.

Everything is on the card, and everybody is upside down. College degrees are a step away from the Cracker Jack box at this point. Education inflation. I don’t need another Cheesecake Factory waitress with a poetry degree. I need elevator repairmen, plumbers, and mechanics. 1.2 trillion plus interest in the hole. When Clinton left office: zero.

Recently SNL put on a sketch about America’s upcoming generation. Click here to watch:

The gist was simple: Of course you don’t have to pay dues or have actual talent. You can do anything you want to do. “The world needs more singer/songwriters and less doctors and engineers.” Now get on You Tube and juggle bowling pins, read your poetry, because, of course, you’re a poet. “If you think you’re talented, you are.” A whole generation of guys saying their the next John Lennon, etc. But guess what? Lennon didn’t have college debt while working the Dunkin Donuts counter. Lennon was larger than life by 20, talent and work ethic off the charts, luck and timing, born for it. That's not meant for most everyone else. Like I said: Calling all elevator repairmen, plumbers, mechanics. Instead we get Twitter famous and You Tube superstars, and singing reality shows on TV, because everybody gets a ribbon.

Maybe I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong.

Obama’s Speech:

Brian Huba

Monday, January 23, 2012

Another Super Bowl!!

Eli in August: "I consider myself in that class," said Manning, the MVP of Super Bowl XLII. "Tom Brady is a great quarterback, he's a great player and what you've seen with him is he's gotten better every year. He started off winning championships and I think he's a better quarterback now than what he was, in all honesty, when he was winning those championships.

Cue the laugh track, right?

Eli in January: One win from beating Brady in another Super Bowl.

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Brian Huba

Saturday, January 21, 2012

This Guy's the Worst

When I was at the NYG’s-Cowboys game, there was a Cowboy fan in front, drinking like a fool, celebrating with a dance, gang symbols thrown, the baggy jersey with the big towel over the shoulder, begging for mob justice. A fan behind summed it best: "This guy's the worst," which got me thinking. So I made a list of guys that always make me say, “This guy's the worst.”

Atkins Diet Guy: He takes the bun off his cheeseburger at dinner, because he can’t eat carbs. Confession: I don’t even know what carbs are. I’ve never been on a diet. I exercise regularly, eat whatever I want. Enjoy your life, Atkins guy. Eat the bun.

Grown Man Who Watches Cartoons Guy: Is there anything more annoying than that guy who lists Futurama, Family Guy, and the Simpsons as his favorite TV shows? Would somebody tell him that a cartoon about a perpetual 3rd grader isn’t that great after 25 seasons? I know, these cartoons are satirical, I get it. Ever heard of BREAKING BAD, DEXTER, KHLOE & LAMAR?

Dress Up Cargo pants Guy: A shirt, tie, and . . . cargo pants at the office? I’ve even seen this attempted with a suit coat.

Button Down Shirt Untucked Under Sweater Guy: This was (maybe) cool when Justin Timberlake did it in 2005. But come on, guy, you’re 37 years old. You can’t think this look is working for you, can you? A grown man’s body is not meant to rock this.

Blowout/Fake Tan/Tattoos/Diamond Watch/Graphic T-shirt/Muscle Bound Guy: Do I really need to say more?

Jog With Girlfriend Guy: I can’t imagine this guy generally gets a very serious workout jogging with his girlfriend or wife. That's not really what exercising is to me.

Sideways Baseball Hat Guy: He cocks the hat to the right, so the brim is above his ear. It’s cool when Jay Z does it because . . . Actually it’s not even cool when he does it. And if Jay Z looks stupid, how do you think you look?

Facebook Post Guy: You are a grown man who posts on Facebook 13 times a day? It gets a little strange when a man is that active on social networking.

Since this idea was inspired at a sporting event, how about Worst Sports Guys?

College over Professional Guy: You rather watch Clemson vs. Georgia than watch the NFL? You like college basketball because their game is more ‘fundamental’ compared to the NBA? Kobe’s fundamentals are 1000% better than that 19-yr-old forward’s from West Virginia.

Cowboys/Yankees Guy: You like the Cowboys AND the Yankees? What’s your favorite movie? Godfather? Do you have a Scarface poster over your bed? What? You’re not even from Dallas or NY.

Eli is Overrated Guy: He’s a win away from his second Super Bowl in 4 years. He threw for 5,000 yards this year with the 32nd ranked running game, the 29th ranked defense, and the #1 ranked (opp’s. Records) NFL Schedule. He leads the NFC in total wins (last 8 years), leads in road wins, all-time road playoff wins, about to lead the NFC in active SB berths. I think he’s better than Brees (who plays 8 games in a dome and still throws the ball for yards with a 20pt lead in every game) and Rodgers (Who had one great season and one SB). Eli does nothing but win, has never missed a start, and never says or does the wrong thing, on or off the field. He’s the greatest Giant QB ever. Overrated.

And now the worst . . .

Guy Who Blogs in Local Newspaper: He writes all his meaningless little thoughts on some kind of Citizen Journalism webpage, and quasi publishes it. Like anybody cares what this guy has to say. Then he calls this collection of dribble something dumb, like the Dog’s Sleeping Shirt. This guy's the worst.

Brian Huba

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Top NY Giants' Playoff Moments

Right now New York Giants’ fans are actually experiencing a Golden Age in the franchise’s history. And the thing is most don’t even know it. Why do people say/think Tom Coughlin is ALWAYS coaching for his job? If you’re one of these knuckleheads that have been hoping for Coughlin’s dismissal to get Cowher, let me give you a dose of reality: John Mara is NEVER going to fire Tom Coughlin. If given the choice I would take Tom over the chin eight days a week. I would take TC over anybody. He's great. Hear me? Great!

In my opinion, Coughlin is the greatest Giants coach ever. I know, I know, Parcells, who was great of course. But consider: His greatest moment in NY was beating the 49ers in the ’90 NFC Championship Game. What about SB25? That was more of a Buffalo loss than a NYG win, right? Coughlin’s greatest moment is also the franchise’s greatest moment, and maybe the greatest moment in NFL history: Beating the 18-0 N.E. Patriots. Parcells had the greatest NFL Player EVER: LT. On his staff, Belichick and Coughlin.

Coughlin has made Eli the greatest Giant QB ever. Don’t even try arguing Phil Simms, who was a Giant Icon, a God, but Eli Manning, he was not. You may say Spags and his D won that Super Bowl against N.E. Spags was brilliant that night, but he was an average Def. Cord. at best, and one of the worst Head Coaches in NFL history. He was great in a big spot, on a big stage, and thank God he was. If you don’t believe he was average, ask Andy Reid who passed Spags over twice for the Def. Cord. job in Philly, still hasn't hired him this time either.

Since 2005 the Giants lead the NFC in total wins, lead the NFL in total road wins, and have the most winning seasons in a row in team history, and Coughlin has us playing meaningful ball every December, the most you can hope for as a reasonable NFL fan. And this year? We won the NFC East, eliminated Dallas, the Jets, and the Eagles, with Eli and a scout team on offense. In a year that was supposed to belong to Rex Ryan and Vick's "Dream Team," Tom got us there again. "Talk is cheap, play the game."

Yes, this is a Golden Age to be a NYG backer, and Sunday this team is hopefully going to beat Green Bay. Either way though, we're on borrowed time, never meant to be alive this long this season. But before we get to that, let’s take a look back at some of the other great moments.

1986 Divisional Playoff vs. San Francisco 49ers: In the second quarter, Jim Burt knocks Joe Montana out of the game as he threw a pass that was intercepted by Lawrence Taylor and returned 34 yards for a touchdown.

Super Bowl XXI vs. Denver Broncos: On the opening drive of the second half, down by a score of 10-9, Parcells calls for the fake on 4th and 1 from the Giants own 49 yard line by nodding from the sideline for backup QB Jeff Rutledge to cue a shift from the punt formation to a traditional offensive set and run the QB sneak. The Giants would end up scoring the go ahead TD on the drive, and never again trailed in the game.

1990 NFC Championship vs. San Francisco 49ers: Leonard Marshall knocks Joe Montana out of the game, and the 49er backfield forever, with one of the most gruesome hits in NFL history.

1990 NFC Championship vs. San Francisco 49ers: Erik Howard forces a Roger Craig fumble with a minute to play, which was recovered by Lawrence Taylor setting up a last minute game winning Matt Barr field goal, ending the 49ers quest to three-peat, and leading to Brian Huba getting beat up on the bus the next day by a 49er fan who was much older, in eighth grade I think

Super Bowl XXV vs. Buffalo Bills: Giants set a Super Bowl record 40:33 time of possession with back up QB Jeff Hostetler at the helm, who went 20-32 for 222 yards, 1 TD, and 0 INTs. A 9:23 drive, capped by a TD to Stephen Baker.

2001 Divisional Playoff vs. Philadelphia Eagles: Jason Sehorn’s acrobatic interception.

2001 NFC Championship: 41-0, ‘Nuff said.

2007 NFC Championship vs. Green Bay: Corey Webster picks off Brett Favre in OT to set up Lawrence Tynes’s 47 yard field at -1 degree Lambeau Field, propelling the Giants into Super Bowl XLII.

Super Bowl XLII vs. New England Patriots: Eli Manning to David Tyree. Giants would go on to win the game and end the Patriots quest to become only the second undefeated team in NFL history.

2011 Wild Card Playoffs vs. Atlanta Falcons: Giants D shuts out Matt Ryan and the Hot-Lanta Falcons, after Eli spots the Dirty Birds 2 pts.

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Dedicated to Mike Morano.

Brian Huba

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Andrew Cuomo vs. Another Protest

Today Gov. Cuomo gave his second State of the State address. It was a broad-strokes speech about past successes and future plans. I say successes because Cuomo has done everything he said he would, and NY is on its way back. The budget is getting in order; job creation on the rise. Cuomo publicly and one-sidedly destroyed CSEA and PEF in contact negotiations, calling both unions’ bluffs without blinking. If this continues, he’s a jump from trading State Street for Pennsylvania Avenue.

In the Empire Plaza concourse where Cuomo gave his speech, another group of protesters gathered, in an attempt to threaten Cuomo into giving up his hydro fracking idea, a topic not even mentioned in his speech. They held their picket signs and beat their drum about an issue that nobody really understands or actually cares about. Fracking? That's what this is about? What is hydro fracking? Is it bad? I don't know. At this point, I don't care, honestly. Maybe I should. So what do serious people care about? Ah, the economy.

Are these gaggles of loosely-organized protesters joking with this latest demonstration against the gov? Do they actually think putting some guy that looks like an Amish John Lennon in front of news cameras is going to make serious people stop and listen? State workers were walking right past, annoyed, having no idea what this latest nonsense was about. One picket sign promised to vote Cuomo out of he didn’t back down on fracking. Yeah, OK, Amish Lennon, that’s gonna happen.

I guess that’s my problem with protesters. Why do they all have to look SO crazy? I have absolutely no idea what Occupy Albany was about, and it irritates me when people say they enacted change. Huh? They did? Here’s what I know about the Occupy Albany protesters: They looked like a tailgate party before a Phish concert that went on for six weeks. If these protesters, or any protesters, want to make people in power stand up and take notice, why don't they hire a serious-looking, informed-looking spokesperson to deal with the media?

It seems like every protest party’s PR idea is to get the craziest looking one and let him/her explain to the evening-news viewer exactly what they’re doing sleeping in Academy Park in canopy tents, because I have no idea what that guy with green hair is talking about. There's nothing more powerful than the media in this country. So use it the right way.

There’s a reason why people who look a certain way don’t get hired or heard in important positions. It may be wrong, but it’s true, you know it is. If somebody who looked like Jesus was running for public office, he’d be told to get a haircut. If some guy with a thousand tattoos was trying to be your lawyer or wedding planner, he’d cover his tats on first impression, right? Are there exceptions to every rule? Sure, but it's few and far between. Any protest that is successful must, at some point, gain public support. We must relate to you.

In a sense, protesters are salesmen, selling their complaint to the country, in hopes that many will agree and join the cause. Occupy Wall Street may have had a meaningful, important message, but I couldn’t get past the nappy beards held together with rubber bands. Is that wrong of me to say? Probably. Is that same thinking true of most Americans? Absolutely.

If you want to bump chests with a Rottweiler like Andrew Cuomo you better come WAY bigger than a guy who carries his ukulele or the 22yr old with the baseball cap and backpack. And if you want to convince Middle America to get on board with your agenda, get Amish John Lennon off the news, hire somebody who can sell the message, because protests have become a punch line in this country. Why you ask: Because they all look like crazy, homeless hippies when the news crews show up, even if they’re not, and that may be the saddest part. Perception is everything.

Brian Huba