Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Good & Not So Good of 2011

2011 is over, the year of Hurricane Irene, the death of Steve Jobs, the failed Occupy Wall Street movement, and the Vietnam-like ending of that “what are we doing here” War in Iraq. Don’t forget the disgrace at Penn State and Syracuse, and of course the oh-so tragic end of the pretend marriage between Kim K. and Kris Humphries, who, for some reason, gets booed in basketball arenas now. Anyway 2012 is about to begin. For the 2nd time I am going to make a list of things that were both “Good” and “Not So Good” about the year past. So here we go.

2011 “Good” of Pop Culture

Movie: Crazy, Stupid Love
TV Show: How I Met Your Mother
Reality Show Two-Way Tie: Operation Repo/Restaurant Impossible
Book: Chango’s Beads & the Two-Toned Shoes by William Kennedy
Album: 21 by Adele
Song: “Grenade” by Bruno Mars
Episode of SNL: Jimmy Fallon and Michael Buble (Dec 2011)
Sports Story: Mavericks rally to defeat LeBron and the Heat
News Interview: Piers Morgan and Christine O’Donnell
Late Night Talk Show: Jimmy Fallon
Favorite Celebrity: Howard Stern
Biggest Surprise: 2011 MTV Video Music Awards
Break Out Star: Adele
Best Thing of 2011: Duh, Winning

2011 “Not So Good” of Pop Culture

Movie: Larry Crowne
TV Show: Whitney
Reality Show Two-Way Tie: Kendra/Jersey Shore
Book: Life by Keith Richards
Album: 4 by Beyonce
Song: “T.H.E.” by Will I. Am feat. Mick Jagger and J Lo
SNL Episode: Melissa McCarthy and Lady Antebellum (Oct 2011)
Annoying Story: Occupy Wall Street
Horrible Story: Penn State Scandal
People Magazine Story: Kardashian Wedding
Late Night Talk Show: Leno
Most Overrated Star: Melissa McCarthy
Least Favorite Celebrity: J Lo
Biggest Disappointment: The X Factor
Worst Thing of 2011: Everything Kardashian

2012 Wish(es): A NY Giant Superbowl, and of course, Metta World Peace:

There you have it. I hope you had a super 2011, and remember, “Boom, boom, boom, (you’re) even brighter than the moon! moon! moon!”

Brian Huba

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Inside secret(s) to a really bad blog

You might’ve read my last blog about James Gandolfini’s autograph and Scottie Pippen suing over the tabloid claims that he was teetering on bankruptcy, and thought: This is the stupidest blog I have ever read. Perhaps you thought: What do Tony Soprano and Scottie Pippen have to do with each other? The answer to the former: It was, on the surface, a terrible blog, and to the second question: Tony and Scottie have nothing to do with each other. So here’s the inside story of that seemingly awful waste of blogosphere.

A few weeks ago somebody said to me that I wasn’t good enough to write a blog about oh . . . let’s see Tony Soprano and, umm . . . Scottie Pippen, in the same blog, this person said I wasn’t ‘bloggy enough’ to do that. Not bloggy enough? Me? Oh it’s so on, I thought. I had to prove that person wrong. In an attempt to produce a blog about Tony Soprano and Scottie Pippen, a single blog that somehow cleverly captured both, I rewatched every episode of the SOPRANOS to fully understand the character, then did hours of media research on Pippen, the former NBA baller. In the end I decided to invent the story about being on E Bay and seeing the autographed Gandolfini, I actually overheard someone else say that, and stole it. Then I combed through A.P. stories until I found the perfect one about Pippen, and bam-o, suing over being bankrupt. Yes! And there you have it, people, the inside secret(s) of how I created a blog about James Gandolfini’s autograph and Scottie Pippen’s financial woes, and made it work. Sweet victory!

For that hater who said, several weeks ago, that I couldn’t do it, write a blog about Scottie Pippen and Tony Soprano, that I wasn’t ‘bloggy enough,’ well, how you like me now? I was obviously bloggy enough, so BOOM, respect, in your face.

Author’s Note: None of the abovementioned ever happened.

Brian Huba

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Defamation and Gandolfini's Autograph

Did anybody read how former Chicago Bull sidekick, Scottie Pippen, is suing media outlets, as reports surfaced that he was teetering on bankruptcy? He is suing because, he says, such reports are defamation, because he claims he is actually worth 40 million dollars (net worth). Instead of denying these reports and/or laughing them off, Pippen is going to make a federal case out of it, literally. Get real, Scottie, have some perspective. Maybe the light of common sense couldn’t hit you way back there in MJ’s shadow, but you’re a millionaire, who has had a blessed life, doing what you loved (basketball) with the greatest who ever did it. You are the most overrated baller in NBA history, and have 6 Championship Rings plus 40 million to prove it. On top of that Kobe is getting divorced. What is the world coming to?

I was on E Bay when I saw the saddest thing ever: A framed photo of Tony Soprano in character, (here comes the sad part) autographed by James Gandolfini. Oh my God, is anything worse? It was going for something small like $80 bucks. My point: As much as I love THE SOPRANOS, I don't care about James Gandolfini, I only care about Tony. To me JG is Tony. Nobody sees Gandolfini on the street and says, ‘There’s that guy from the Robert Redford prison movie.’ In fact, JG wouldn't even say that. I know someone who went to college at Oneonta when Gandolfini's daughter (I think it was his daughter) was at Hartwick, 7-8 years ago. The guy I know said Gandolfini was up there all the time with his SOPRANOS cast mates, cigars and fancy suits, then he bankrolled a strip club up there. Translation: Gandolfini's even trying to be Tony off screen. Trust me, I get it. I can’t think of anything worse than meeting James Gandolfini in real life, having to face the fact that Tony is just a part he played. What a bummer.

Brian Huba

Sunday, December 11, 2011

God vs. the Devil?

From now until the big day, we will have Christmas music playing 24/7 through the house. Besides the standards, there are some Xmas songs that I like (Mariah’s song and a few by Celine Dion) and some that are really annoying (‘Rudy the red-nosed reindeer’ and the Boss’s SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN), but I think we can all agree the greatest Xmas song ever is Lennon’s HAPPY CHRISTMAS.

Not only has Lennon headed the greatest music group ever (The Beatles), written the greatest song ever (IMAGINE), and the greatest protest song ever (GIVE PEACE A CHANCE), but he has authored the greatest holiday song too. John Lennon is really the most important musician who has ever lived. One of the most important people.

Sometimes I wonder if God is real, and if he did ever send his son Jesus back to earth, the same way the bible says, could Jesus/the son of God have been John Lennon? Instead of being 'bigger' than 'Jay-sis,' like he once claimed about the Beatles, maybe Lennon himself was, well . . . Before you think of me as one of these guys who has Lennon posters hanging all over the place, and parrots his peace-and-love quotes to everyone, understand that I am not. In fact I’d probably call myself more of a Stones guy than a Beatles guy, and I actually like McCartney’s stuff better than Lennon’s, but I recognize that John Lennon is what he is, see above for that. And it is a fact that Lennon pretty much levitated above the rest of humanity while he was on earth, everything he touched turned to solid gold. Then one day, in NYC, 1980, some slime ball crawls out of the gutter, and assassinates Lennon for pretty much no reason, killing a man who preached peace and love, and was seemingly touched by the hand of God in everything he did.

After Chapman killed Lennon, he sat down right then and there, outside the Dakota, started reading CATCHER IN THE RYE, almost like he was content to be arrested, as he had succeeded in doing the Devil’s work. In fact, Chapman said to police, after the killing, that he was in some small way the Devil. So if God, and the Devil, and all that stuff’s real, was the death of Lennon a round in the eternal battle of God vs. the Devil? Good vs. Evil? And if it was, the Devil won that round, using a meaningless loser to destroy maybe the greatest human on earth at the time, the most influential even, and certainly the most important figure in all of music history, and what impacts more people on a total scale than music? What cuts through race, creed, country, and language more than music?

If you were God and wanted to employ an outlet to spread your message, wouldn’t it be a singer that touches the entire world? I mean if you think about it, why did this Chapman creep, who never did a thing for anybody, and seemingly had no other reason to live, kill Lennon, a man who has literally touched every person who has ever lived? Why? Just to do it? Just to say he did it? It’s scary if you think about the fact that someone so powerful, and important, and impactful on a universal level could be ended by a complete nobody, who just rots in a jail cell now, his meaningless life interrupted only by one of the world's saddest and most meaningless assassinations. Yes, it's scary if you think about it.

I know a guy who once went fishing with Lennon in '79, well, tried to go. All John wanted to do was relax, cast a few lines, but the media was following their boat, messing up the whole quiet idea. The guy said Lennon was real laid back, a nice guy, but he was what he was. So Lennon apologized, excused himself, and the fishing trip went on without him. The sad side of being a universal icon, I suppose. Too bad. If John had caught something small, maybe he could have transformed the fish into a meal for forty men. Maybe.

Happy Christmas:

John Lennon bio:

Mark David Chapman bio:

Brian Huba

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Juliette Lewis Owns Trash

Pretty typical Friday night at the house. Fun eats, working through a Juliette Lewis movie marathon.

Nobody plays the role of complete trash like Juliette Lewis

She has a monopoly on trash
She has cornered the trash market
She is the Microsoft Windows of trash
She plays trash like Brando played mob
She is the Meryl Streep of trash
She is the Beatles of trash
She is the Sopranos of trash
She is the '86 Bears of trash
She is the Fresh Kills Landfill of trash
She is the Rocky Mountains of trash
She is the one-woman Mount Rushmore of trash
She is the Grand Canyon of trash
She is the first man to walk on the moon of trash
If Hollywood had an Oscar for the role of trashiest, she would win it for Lifetime Achievement

What am I trying to say here? Juliette Lewis owns trash

Her bio:

Brian Huba

Friday, December 2, 2011

Local Weathermen? Really?

Do we really still need local weathermen? Hasn't the whole notion of some jolly guy engaging in light banter with the channel's lead anchor before doing a silly 10-minute "weather report" become a bit outdated? Obviously the concept of waiting until 6PM or 11PM to watch the half-hour news report is outdated on its own, unless you watch WTEN where every lead/co-anchor looks like something out of the 1980's, and thus convinces you that some kind of reverse time portal has taken hold. But I'll leave that argument alone here, and concentrate on the complete uselessness of the local weather guy.

First of all, I only want to know one thing: what is the weather going to be like today, tomorrow, the weekend, etc. I don't care about cold fronts pushing up from the south or a current of low pressure coming off the Great Lakes. Huh? Just tell me: Is it going to rain on Saturday or not. But honestly, I don't even need Steve Caporizzo (although he does do great things for animals, and I love that), Steve Teeling, or Bob Kovachick anymore. I can find weather at my finger tips in ten thousand different places on my phone and/or the Web, without the dumb jokes or eight minutes of meteorology mumbo-jumbo before getting to the only thing I want: the 5-Day Lookout.

Whenever I'm watching Prime Time TV on channels 6, 8, 10, or 13, some local weatherman comes on during commercial breaks and teases his weather report, like, "Is there rain in our weekend weather? Tune into Channel 6 News at eleven to find out." Really? We're teasing the weather report? That's like posting coupons for the Taco Boy outside of Tavern on the Green. Guys, I can get the weather in a nanosecond. I don't need to stay up till almost 11.30P.M. to hear what you have to say about it. Thank God YNN understands that idea, and runs the forecast every ten minutes, sans the mumbo-jumbo.

And this whole deal about the weather people, in any outlet, getting the weather wrong? Are you serious? Meteorology and/or the science of predicting weather is pretty much 100% guaranteed. There's a little thing called technology and science. If the weather report says it's going to snow 4 inches by morning, bet the ranch on it, every time. We live in a world where cloning human beings is probably possible. Trust me, we can read cloud movements.

How local weathermen, and that silly weather screen they read off of, are still in rotation is beyond belief to me. If we must have a weather report on local news, here's how I think it should go:

"Now over to Bob with tomorrow's weather."
"Thanks, Jane, It's going to rain tomorrow. Back to you, Jane."
"Thanks, Bob."

Now that's a weather report.

Brian Huba