Saturday, March 31, 2012

Mega Millions Rant

The Mega Millions Drawing, worth 640 Million, was last night. Guess what? I didn’t win, again. I don’t understand this. I bought a ticket at both the Mobil AND the Stewart’s by my house, to ensure that I would win, and I STILL didn’t win. I don’t understand how that happens. I wasn’t even one of the seventeen second-place tickets. Can you believe it? I know they say the odds of winning are one in a million, but I’ve played the Lotto like a hundred times in my life, and I haven’t won the Jackpot once. You tell me.

I’m beginning to think that the Lotto is just a clever way for the state to make money, by enticing many people to play, in the slim hope that they will win a huge amount of money, and then the windfall that is not won is then invested back into programs and services. Nobody I know ever wins. I don’t even know one person who has won the millions. I mean, sure, I’ve won like a few thousand dollars a bunch of times, even hit for four grand on a ticket, but so what? That’s not why I play. Oh yeah, that’s cool, I won four grand, wow, big deal, when some other guy won like fifty million. Why him? Why not me?

I hate the Lotto. At this rate I may never even hit the Jackpot once, not once. What? I know. And how about their misleading slogan: “A dollar and a dream”? They forget to tell you that so many other people are trying to chase that same dream with their dollar. Yeah, they leave that part out. Ever wonder why? I have. If I knew that part I probably wouldn’t play as much. What a rip.

For me it’s been “A dollar and NO dream.” It’s so unfair. I never win the Jackpot, and I really want to, and I really deserve it, and I’m a really neat guy, and I always play my luckiest numbers. But I NEVER, EVER win it all. Why am I always the NYS Lotto/Mega Millions bride’s maid, never the bride? Why? This sucks. It’s so unfair. I may just quit.

But first I’m going to put a call into my local representatives, telling them how I have faithfully played the Lotto every other week for like three years, and have only won, like a total of nine thousand dollars, before taxes don't forget. And said representatives better have some answers for me, or I’ll threaten to reveal the truth about the Lotto, right here on this blog. The secret about how MOST people don’t even win. Yeah, I’m really beginning to think that’s true.

I’m going to do some more investigating on this, and I’ll get back to you, faithful reader. Together we will crack the obvious conspiracy surrounding the Lotto and Mega Millions Drawing. And while I'm at it, I'm going to get to the bottom of this Las Vegas thing too. Whenever I gamble there, I pretty much always lose, same way as the Lotto. It's equally unfair, because I REALLY want to win in Vegas too, but I don't most times. How do I pretty much always lose the Lotto and always lose at Vegas gambling? How is that possible? The fix is in.

Brian Huba

1 comment:

  1. The best part about this for me is having the ability to read it but "hear" it in your voice with your mannerisms.