Sunday, January 12, 2014

The Real American Way

The Gun Guys are at it again. This weekend, there was a symbolic shoot off in Middleburgh to protest the one-year anniversary of Gov. Cuomo’s restrictive gun proposal (SAFE Act) being signed into law. Those interviewed at the rally let the media know they wouldn’t rest until Cuomo reverses course and quits violating their Constitutional Rights. To that I say two things: 1) Stock up on stay-awake pills, because Cuomo isn’t backing down, and 2) Who in their right mind is this consumed by a debatably-minor (at best) violation of Rights? Don’t you have families, and jobs, and lives?

How come people in Westchester County and Greenwich, Connecticut aren’t organizing symbolic shoot offs? Why’s it always the guy that looks like Billy Gibbons and lives in Nowhere USA? Turn off DUCK DYNASTY and take a dose of reality: When some orange-haired psycho shoots up a movie theatre and then some other nut blows an elementary school to oblivion again and again, politicians are going to exact legislation, because that’s what the smart people demand of them. It’s nothing against you and your “American Way.” Action begets reaction. If students fail tests; teachers pay the price, even if it's the parents' fault. If sports teams lose; coaches get the ax, even if it's the players' fault. If guns kill innocent people; guns get legislated upon, even though it's the lunatic pulling the trigger. That's the Real American Way.

99.9% of the general population has absolutely no business being armed to the gills, especially when there are kids in the house. Don't believe me? Sign on to Facebook and take a ride on the fun-time express. You want these people gunned up? Really? Guns aren’t a culture to be practiced and celebrated. Guns are guns. You want to protect your family, put a pocketbook piece in the end table by your bed. You want to hunt, buy a Winchester and some Wal-Mart bullets. You don’t need AK-47s and assault rifles. “But, Brian, it’s my Constitutional Right, the way our forefathers meant it." Get real. Our forefathers would combust if they ever saw a personal computer. The Brits have left, the Revolutionary War’s over, welcome to 2014. If someone yelling “Fire” in a crowded theatre is against the law than someone unloading an AK-47 inside one is enough to rethink ALL OUR laws.

The Gun Trade in this country is like anything else: It’s about money and political footing. Understand the leaders of the NRA are propaganda professionals who peddle their product, and their way of life, to the millions of Americans that look like Billy Gibbons and drive around with Confederate Flags on their back window. Is that stereotyping? Of course it is. But we all know that’s their market, their bread basket, and it’s generally those types that get lathered up about artificiality like “Rights” and the “American Way.” They will devote their lives and protesting power to pursuing this invisible ideology. And I thank God they do, because somebody has to buy into this concept and sign up for the Armed Services and go to war, and possibly die at 22 years old for AMERICA!! And the AMERICAN WAY!! because I’m not doing it.

And here’s why . . .

The “American Way” is a bumper sticker slogan; it’s not a tangible thing. It has a billion different definitions, none right; none wrong. But these gun lovers get hung up on this and the NRA pushes that position and makes guys like Cuomo the enemy, the heel, the oppressor. It's a game. It’s the same principle that guides the WWE, if you think about it. When the Iran Sheik gets in the ring, everyone boos and hisses, then Hulk Hogan comes out, waving his flag and singing, “I am a real American,” and everyone goes nuts. With all due respect to the Hulkster, ours is a Capitalist Country that's bordered by money and power.

Is gun violence, and violence in general, the tradeoff for living in America, the greatest place in the history of humankind? Probably. It’s increasingly likely that I could be executed walking with my family through a shopping center’s parking garage. I get that. There’s nothing any politician can do to stop that. It’s the tradeoff, and I’ll take it. We are a melting pot of every type of person the world knows. We have freedom. We have reality TV. It’s gonna get crazy every now and then. But the Andrew Cuomos of the world have to make it look like they’re trying to curb it. Protesting these gun laws is like protesting the sunset. Just recognize the game, the tradeoff, and live your life.

I think the comedian Chris Rock had it best when he said we don't need gun control we need bullet control, and jokingly suggested we charge $5,000 per bullet. That’ll put an end to innocent bystanders and make people think twice before discharging a bullet so high-priced. So if you find a guy who’s been shot six times, you can assume he probably really deserved it, because somebody just dropped 30 grand to take him out.

And that may be true, because everyone in this country, from Billy Gibbons to Andrew Cuomo, values the mighty dollar over all else.

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Brian Huba

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