Monday, June 27, 2011

It's Officially Summer

It’s officially summer, which means two things: 1) My sister will be at Lebanon Valley Speedway every Saturday night, and 2) My paternal cousin, Patrick, will either be bar-b-cueing or heading to the public pool until September 8th. With that in mind I’ve decided to share my summer itinerary, subject to change, of course.

July is shaping up nicely. The 4th will be spent at our lakeside villa up north, on a pontoon boat captained by Canadian Lou’s father, Irish Ed, and they’ll be three first mates, see the pic above for that. We won’t be at the plaza pretending to like fireworks, saying “ooohhhh” and “aaahhhh," then get beer bottles thrown at us as we walk fearfully back to our car parked on some side street off Madison Avenue. Nah, not this year. After the holiday, I head west, to our nation’s capital: Utica, NY. My friend, Mule, is getting married. Operation Stag for me, as CL is back in Albany for another nuptial roulette. As for Big Daddy Mule, he and his bride will fly into the church on the backs of mutant peacocks and exchange I do's at sunset. Then Mule will serenade his new bride with an acoustic version of “Nothin But a G Thang.” Hey, don’t look at me, that’s what the invitation, Facebook page, and wedding website say.

After that, I reunite with my lady friend, head to Las Vegas, NV, the city that never sleeps, for 3 days at the Cosmopolitan Hotel. What? HoJo's was booked up? There better be a beach view or I ain’t going! There must be a beach in a town that promotes $6.oo lobster, right? July comes to a close as we troubadour back north to see some bum named McCartney in concert. Can you believe I got roped into this sideshow? He's no Lee DeWyze from AMERICAN IDOL, I'll tell you that. But whatever, let’s see this McCartney guy. I just wish I knew some of his songs. Oh well.

August is always a good month. I spend 30 days inventing excuses to NOT go to ‘the track, man’ and try to see my NY Giants work out the winter kinks at U Albany. This NFL Lockout better end. I’ll probably have some time to finish Rutherford’s novel about New York and unwind before the football season (hopefully) returns. By that time the Giants should have Tiki Barber and Plaxico Burress both resigned, right? And on that note, fall will be back upon us, like a fruity drink with the little yellow umbrella, and summer will already be slipping to the rearview. It goes so quickly, doesn’t it? I just hope we get some snow this winter. I don’t think we got a single storm last season. Did we? I don’t live in the northeast to NOT get good figure skating weather. Come on!

But before we get to that, I begin tonight, back at the movies. We are going to see the new Cameron Diaz flick BAD TEACHER. I am going to do something very stupid, for the 2nd time: I am going to bet against Justin Timberlake. That’s right. I think BAD TEACHER is going to be, well, really bad. There is just way too much Cameron Diaz for this thing to be good. How long can someone stand that ridiculous laugh and these Aniston-like attempts to be sexy with water hoses and half shirts at 44 years old? The only thing worse than Diaz in the movies is Diaz in real life. See her relationship status with A-Rod for that. I don’t even think Justin can save this flick. But we shall see, and I will let you know. So for all you summer bunnies, I bid you good times and God speed.

Speaking of good times and God Speed: On Facebook @ the Cat’s Pajamas

Brian Huba

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