The Crabby Secretary

Is there anything more annoying than the crabby secretary? Why do so many women in this position insist on projecting this personality? I know, I know, you’re actually the most important person in the office, all things go through you, blah, blah. Yeah OK, and the guy who plays keyboards, he’s the most important piece in Paul McCartney’s band. I understand and respect the role of the admin. assistant in an office, and, at my workplace, I have been blessed with two of the greatest secretaries ever, but so many times when I am out and about, I am forced to deal with the self-important secretary. Ma am, with all due respect, I’m here for the product five feet behind you, not to tiptoe around this cranky, I-hate-my-life character you’re playing. Just tell the guy I’m here to see him.

Case & point: Yesterday during the day I wasn’t feeling very well: chest pains, numbness, scary stuff. I called my doctor’s office, and he agreed to see me right after work. What a guy, my doctor. When I showed up at the office I had to first deal with the crabby secretary who interrogated me about my visit. And the whole time she wouldn’t even look at me, and kept snapping at me and cutting me off as I tried explaining that I called and was given the green light to come in. Then she does the thing where she puts her finger in your face to silence you so she can take a phone call, and then was super rude to the caller.

When I finally finished my story, she says, “Ten dollars.” Just that, "Ten dollars." Um, OK, and thanks for caring. I gave her my CC/Debit card and she looked at it like it was diseased. Then she takes several minutes to scan it, slaps the receipt on the counter for me to sign, then snatches it back. She never even looked at me once. Wow. It was awful. Lady, I’m not here for you and your orthopedic sneakers and Nalgene bottle. I think I might be having a heart attack (of course I'm not). Have you seen me in a cut-off t-shirt? But I thought I was, and the least you can do is look at me when speaking. Many secretaries are amazing. Maybe she's amazing, and was just having a bad day, but come on, treat me like a human. I'm at a doctor's office and I'm nervous. In this ecomony, everyone is a dime a dozen. We need to work extra to treat people with respect.

The doctor himself was amazing, a brilliant man. I love my doctor. He gave a complete exam and assured me that I wasn’t dying. Thank God for my doctor. It was the greatest doctor’s visit I ever had, and left there feeling like a million dollars. If you're wondering: I did not bad mouth his office help. Of course not, and I'm sure he will not read this. But the dealing with the secretary was terrible, just terrible, and if I was my doctor, and found out that any customers were being treated like numbers on a chart, let’s just say: Someone wouldn’t be getting flowers on April 24th.

Brian Huba
11.9.12