Thursday, March 3, 2011

Duh, Winning!

I have felt pressed to write about Charlie Sheen all week, but have come up empty when trying to figure out a position on this issue. For once, I just don’t have anything original, alternative, and/or outside the box to say on this. Plainly put: Sheen is one of the most horrible people on the planet Earth. Horrible because he’s been blessed with everything and messed it up ten-fold, given every chance under the sun, and somehow kept a circle, albeit shrinking circle, of people around him who actually want to keep this train wreck maniac alive. I’ve had this sentiment on Sheen since way before this epic meltdown that cost him TWO & A HALF MEN, a huge hit, which may be the most overrated sitcom ever. I just . . . I don’t know.

My thinking on Sheen’s horribleness started about a year back when I watched his E TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY. Let me summarize the show quickly. It was one incident after the other where Sheen messed up, screwed somebody over, did drugs, beat up women, ruined lives, destroyed people and/or projects. In between every jaw-dropping story of selfishness, Sheen would just shrug his shoulders and say “Oh well” or “What do you want me to do?” Or “Don’t know what to tell you,” cue sly grin and cigarette pull. Those who know him best, family aside (Jon Cryer, Angus Jones, Michael Douglas, etc) HATE Him.

He's paying two women, his goddesses, probably around 25K a week to be his live-in girlfriends and worship him 24/7, and help him carry out his insane PR blitz. Family, friends won't go near him. Anyone who stops by (Sean Penn, etc) is just trying to see the madness first hand. Charlie’s a demented creep who doesn’t give a crap about anybody but himself. He wants to get fired from MEN, paid the balance of his contract, and then lock himself in a room and drug himself to death. He doesn't want to work anymore. Drugs have made him a mud puddle. He's forever that 23-yr-old H-Wood brat, even still rocking the backwards hat and funny t-shirts. His rants are Kinison like, his interviews Jackson-Family like. He's a cult leader now with those two 21-yr-old women he hired to play house with. He's a dead man walking. If you can’t see that, Stevie Wonder is probably cracking blind jokes about you.

I suppose one thing that makes me a bit angry is how much people seem to clamp on to this attention-hungry psycho. In less than 48hrs, Sheen has amassed a Twitter following of one million+. His show’s ratings are better than ever, and he’s the most searched Internet name. America loves this guy, in the same way we love the brain-dead Kardashians and those Jersey Shore morons. Love them in the sense that we watch them, follow them, put money in their pockets. I know it’s a car-crash thing, can’t look away, I get that. But remember Sheen thinks of you as little, insignificant people who live in little, insignificant houses. His words, paraphrased. Enter Sheen's infamous dismissive gesture, cigarette pull. Of course I’m not suggesting that we should take things these idiots do and say so personally, but I do wish that Charlie Sheen stories weren’t always the front-page piece in the NY Post and other such papers.

You (nor I) could possibly imagine what it would be like to spend 5 minutes with somebody like Sheen. It would be a nightmare of epic proportions. I suppose normal/Middle American people aren’t used to the shocking level of selfishness and narcissism you would deal with. I’ve known a small number of very wealthy/celebrity people, I mean seriously wealthy. And I didn’t know them too well. But from what I’ve learned they are just living/thinking on another planet than middle class people are. My honest opinion: They were off in the ways of actual problems and issues and nothing mattered but them and their problems, sorry that's what I thought. For instance, I bet, if you were hanging out with Kim Kardashian and you got run over by a mack truck, she probably wouldn't cry because that might ruin her just-applied makeup. That's what I mean. But that’s a little-guy perspective, I get that. I guess they were just so different I couldn’t even communicate with them. The overarching trait in the few I’ve come across: Selfish.

As for Sheen, he’s lower than whale dung, bet my life on it. It will probably be a good thing when he finally expires. At least then the people around him will have a chance at normalcy and will be able to sleep a descent night without worrying about Charlie--the kids will be better off. And by the way, a grown man who calls himself Charlie and has a Charlie Brown tat. Umm, OK. Am I too harsh? Maybe. But you’re talking about a man who brutalized a prostitute and trashed a hotel room in a drug-induced rage with his young children on the other side of the wall. And I don't mean drugs, I mean DRUGS!That’s who you’re talking about. Perspective, people. When he does finally go away, and it will be soon, I’m sure, what will that mean for all of us, you ask?

Duh, Winning!

Speaking of Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA: Now on facebook @ the Cat's Pajamas

Brian Huba

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