Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Second Act of Justin

I am sitting in my kitchen watching a show on NBC called ALL AROUND THE WORLD W/ JUSTIN BIEBER. I thought I’d be watching my boy Howard on AGT, but it’s not on, again. Anyway, this Bieber show is a documentary of sorts, giving us an up-close picture of what it’s like to be on the road with the Beebs. First stop: Norway. The teenage girls are flocking everywhere, and the show seems to really be driving this point home. It’s CRAZY wherever he goes, so CRAZY. Look at how CRAZY! “I love you, Justin!”

In the first five minutes he has been caught on camera commenting about the number of girls that flock to him on four different occasions. He has compared himself to the Beatles and Michael Jackson. His whole team, AKA Team Bieber, just hangs on him, telling him how great he is. Is there anything about this kid that isn’t 100% formulaic? Every move has been done since Leif Garrett and Davy Jones. But guess what? JB has no music. There’s plenty of ego but no product.

The other aspect of the documentary is Justin’s “Justin Cam.” Wow, how original. That’s a handheld he shoots the flocking girls with, while making wacky faces and kooky comments. This is so Justin Timberlake circa 1998. But guess what? JT was 1,000 times better than the Beebs. Then of course the confessional, where JB waxes on how great it is to perform and make music. But he never actually performs. OK, I take that back. He’s lip singing through an unbearably-bad song right now. “I will never say never” is the chorus. Does anyone know this song?

He’s all decked out in the skinny jeans and elf sneakers, and the girls are going crazy. This is worse than 98 Degrees. The song is already over. It was less than 2 minutes. Now somebody is giving him a massage and soaking him with water after that taxing 117 second thrill ride. I saw Paul McCartney go live for three straight hours without a sip of water. This kid compares himself to the Beatles? Wow.

I get it. He’s a teen heartbreaker. All sizzle no steak. I guess what’s annoying to me is how recycled his presentation is. It’s all bubble-gum music and girls going ahhhhh!!!!!!! Honestly, I used to think the Beebs had a shot, but it’s just so “I know you love me, I know you need me.” The Partridge Family was deeper than this. The music is just not good, and it will cost him longevity in the end. The PR is making him way too New Kids on the Block.

Justin Timberlake was Elvis Presley compared to the Beebs. Smarter too, way smarter JT was. I actually thought NSYNC was really good. Both of JT’s solo albums were great. Every time he performed it was killer. He ditched the bubble gum at the right time and engineered a transition from teeny-bopper (albeit a bopper who shattered billboard sales records) to Grammy Award Winning artist. JT could sing, dance, write music, and perform like an SOB. There was nothing Timberlake couldn’t do on a stage. And off stage, he was the man. I’ve never wanted Timberlake to put out another album worse than right now. But that’s all done, I know it is, and we’re left with “baby, baby, ooh baby.”

Justin Bieber Performs:

Justin Timberlake Performs:

If you can watch these two performances and tell me the Beebs is better than JT, I guess I have to respect your opinion and move on.

Brian Huba

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