Friday, June 1, 2012

Ten Creepiest Movies Ever

Over the years there have been a huge number of movies that many people think are really great flicks that, quite frankly, freak me out on almost every level. This is my list of the ten creepiest/freakiest movies I have ever seen.

10. The Sound of Music: Musicals in general freak me out a little bit, but this one especially. The Sound of Music is just a weird old-looking movie, and I always hated watching it as a kid and/or being forced to watch, and having to pretend that it was really good.

9. Annie: Another musical. This movie was, and still is, physically uncomfortable for me to watch. From the big red hair to the black butler or whatever he is (that I think also played the guy in the Shining) almost every aspect of this movie is tough to stomach. You actually like Annie? No you don’t.

8. Edward Scissorhands: Every movie Johnny Depp does is freakier and darker-looking than the one before. But the bizarre and unwatchable combination of Tim Burton and Johnny Depp really began with Scissorhands. Disturbing, dark, artificial-looking. What can I say? Just another horrid Johnny Depp journey into freakdom.

7. Beetlejuice: Michael Keaton as a dancing, singing, sarcastic ghost-ghoul thing? Awful. Maybe one of the worst movies ever made, freaky or otherwise. That one scene where the whole family is at the table, singing that song. Yikes, chills down my back.

6. Babes in Toyland (1980's version): How many years of my elementary & middle school career, on the day before Christmas Vacation, was I forced into a classroom with 80 other kids to watch this nonsense? I never had any idea what was going on in this disaster on film, and to this day, have no idea why this kind of scary movie was shoved down my throat by people who were certified by NYS to teach children. This movie is the stuff of childhood nightmares for me.

5. Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure/Big Top Pee Wee: I liked this movie, but always had a tight, sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach when I watched it. From Large Marge to the peed-on egg salad sandwiches, this flick was a physically sickening journey for me. I shudder at the mere thought of it.

4. The Goonies: Like the first ten minutes, hate the last two hours. I have no idea why everybody seemingly loved this flick. God, I hated it. I could never follow it. I could never sit through it. All I ever wanted it to do was end. I will never subject a child of mine, when and if I have one, to this torturous undertaking.

3. Three Men & A Baby: Three men raising an orphaned child together in a NYC flat is freaky and creepy, I’ll grant you that. But the freakiest part of this movie is the scene where the little kid appears ghostly at the window for a split second. There have been thousands of urban legends about who & what that kid was. By the time I rewind and replay that scene 50 times, I always forget what’s going on in the actual story. Watch this (at 35 seconds, in the window):

2. Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory: This movie is the definition of freaky. I loathe this movie. Has there ever been a creepier scene than when all those old people are sleeping in beds in the same room? And that’s before we even get to Gene Wilder’s Chocolate Factory. Do I even need to tell you the mental roulette I’ve gone through thinking about that trek into cinematic Hell?

1. The Wizard of Oz: Every single minute of this movie is a terrifying mind scramble, a freak fest from black-and-white Kansas to the Yellow Brick Road. Is there anything NOT completely insane about this movie? It literally gave me nightmares. At the same time though, is there anything about this movie that isn’t a complete masterpiece of film making? This might be the best movie ever made, on a literal, metaphorical, and allegorical level. But wow, it is as freaky as it gets. The Wizard of Oz is, well, the Wizard of Oz of freaky movies.

Brian Huba

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