Saturday, August 18, 2012

Tebow: Madison Avenue Jesus

For the love of God! Please stop the Tim Tebow nonsense. I don’t care if he’s a “really nice guy” or if he believes in God. Enough already! Tim Tebow is nothing more than a magnet for people who need to find something to rally around. He’s just the latest example that proves the power of manias in this country. “But, Brian, he’s magic on the football field.” First of all, he’s not magic on the football field, he’s TERRIBLE! And second: kids believe in magic. When rooting for Eli Manning or Tom Brady: magic not required.

Tim Tebow is a cartoon character.

I believe there are two types of people in this world: People Who Get it and People Who Don’t. For instance, if you recognize that the SOPRANOS was landmark television, you are a Get it Person. If you thought Sarah Palin would make a good President, you are a Don’t Get it Person. In regards to Tebow, Get it People understand he is nothing more than a second-string QB with less-than-marginal skills who is NEVER going to lead a team to an NFL Superbowl. Let me repeat: NEVER. If you’re a Get it Person you also see that this whole virginal-Messiah-QB thing he’s doing is nothing more than a character trumped up by Madison Avenue to make people interested in him. Didn't Britney Spears sell the same crap in 2000? Eli Manning: no trumped-up character required.

Tim Tebow's "journey" is a Walt Disney movie.

Now if you’re a Don’t Get it Person, you spend a lot of time talking about how Tebow helps kids out, and visits hospitals, and believes in God, and everything that has nothing to do with actual football. “But, Brian, he’s a good teammate.” Really? Ask Mark Sanchez about that. What you forget to notice is the camera crew that follows him through the hospital, and the fact that he posed for GQ as a shirtless likeness of the Crucified Jesus. (For the record that is called Madison Avenue Blasphemy.) And don't tell me it was taken six years ago. Whenever it was taken, he's clearly posing and it's clearly a photo shoot. What you forget is that he called a press conference to announce himself as the Jets BACKUP QB. And don't try telling me he's a victim of the big, bad NY media. What you forget is how he ran shirtless past a row of reporters in the rain at training camp then said, “Oh, Gosh, I didn’t expect any attention from that.” What you forget is how he shows up at EVERY, SINGLE media event and sports show with his “I just want to win” nonsense. At the ESPYs he was on stage more than the show’s host. Don’t you people see that this kid is playing all of you for the fool? That he is riding this Virginal-Messiah thing right to the bank of continued relevancy? Oh wait, of course you don’t get it. Anybody who likes Tim Tebow is a 100% percent Don’t Get it Person. We need not look further than Jeremy Lin to understand the power of phony manias in this country.

Emilo Estevez from the THE MIGHTY DUCKS should play Coach Rex Ryan in the kids' movie: HAIL MARY LIFE: THE TIM TEBOW STORY

Anyone who likes Tebow spends most of their time talking about everything except actual football. Much in the same way Phish fans, who follow that band around America, talk about the atmosphere of the concert, and the cool people, and the great vibe, and the friendships made; everything except the actual music. But me, I’m an actual music guy. I want the product. Who cares about the “vibe, man?” I’m a Coughlin/Eli Guy. I’m a winning Superbowls guy. I want my QB and coach to be good guys, sure I do, but I don’t want them selling themselves as QB Jesus to get publicity. Eli Manning is in the football business. Tim Tebow is in the media business. Get it Guys get that. John Elway gets that, and thus got rid of Tebow ASAP. What business are you in?

Tebow is Rudy on steroids, maybe literally.

Manias! I can never get over how droves of people hitch their wagons to these frenzies time and time again. When will you ever learn that mania darlings never endure, they never survive the test of time? If you’re a Tebow, the football player, fan, ask yourself one question: Why? You’ll probably start listing a bunch of things that have nothing to do with football. And as you name these non-football reasons, understand that 99% of those things are fictional, created in a Madison Ave. office to make people like you buy Tebow jerseys. And if you are OK with that reality, root for your favorite backup QB and punt team player. Root hard and be proud!

Tebow Mania is the biggest joke in America.

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Brian Huba

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